There oughtta be a law...

Judging by the statutes below--all of which are still on the books of these Southern states--there are some pretty interesting folks running around. After all, if a law exists, you know more than one person has done something to prompt it...

As well as I have transplanted to Southern soil, before undertaking this research I honestly did not know that the South had such an epidemic of large animals in bathtubs, ice cream cones in pockets, enterprising cotton farmers, aggressive senior citizens, or that they were such kill-joys in Texas and Virginia: C'mon, no going barefoot, trick-or-treating, or tickle fights? Geez!

Mississippi
-No turtle races may be held at the airport.

Alabama
-It is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while operating a vehicle.

North Carolina
-You can't plow a cotton field with an elephant.

South Carolina
-Horses may not be kept in bathtubs.

Arkansas
-Alligators may not be kept in bathtubs.

Georgia
-Donkeys may not be kept in bathtubs. (Do you see a pattern here??)
-No one may carry an ice cream cone in their back pocket if it is Sunday.

Texas
-A city ordinance states that a person cannot go barefoot without first obtaining a special five-dollar permit.
-It's illegal to put graffiti on someone else's cow.

Louisiana
-Biting someone with your natural teeth is “simple assault,” while biting someone with your false teeth is “aggravated assault".
-It is a $500 fine to instruct a pizza delivery man to deliver a pizza to your friend without them knowing.

Virginia
-Children are not to go trick-or-treating on Halloween.
-It is illegal to tickle women.

Now, Kentucky and Tennessee fall into a special category, being technically in the South but the center of the Hillbilly world. Accordingly, they have some extra special laws:

Kentucky
-By law, anyone who has been drinking is "sober" until he or she "cannot hold onto the ground."
-It is illegal to transport an ice cream cone in your pocket.
-Every citizen of Kentucky is required by law to take a bath at least once a year.

Tennessee
-You can’t shoot any game other than whales from a moving automobile.
-It is illegal to use a lasso to catch a fish.

Now that all of my Northern readers are feeling pretty smug about themselves and laughing at the poor, ignorant South, let's see what faux pas their kin are guilty of having committed:

Alaska
- In Fairbanks, it is illegal to feed alcoholic beverages to a moose.

Arizona
- Any misdemeanor committed while wearing a red mask is considered a felony. (A black mask, however, is fine.)

Illinois
- It is illegal for anyone to give lighted cigars to dogs, cats, and other domesticated animal kept as pets.

Massachusetts
- No gorilla may be in the back seat of any car at any time.
- Mourners at a wake may not eat more than three sandwiches.

Nebraska
- A parent can be arrested if her/his child cannot hold back a burp during a church service.

Pennsylvania
- Any motorist who sights a team of horses coming toward him must pull well off the road, cover his car with a blanket or canvas that blends with the countryside, and let the horses pass. If the horses appear skittish, the motorist must take his car apart, piece by piece, and hide it under the nearest bushes.

Washington
- All lollipops are banned.