One of my readers recently wrote and said, "I envy the sense of community you mention so often in your posts. I really do. But let's be realistic--this is not something you can expect to find outside of small, rural towns...and most of us do not live in small, rural towns."
I hear this sentiment from people often. It is apparently not an isolated one, because it comes from both North and South; from cities of 2 million inhabitants to smaller towns of 30,000; from the affluent, and from people who can barely eke out a living. I understand, because it is a feeling I used to voice quite plaintively in another era of my life.
When I first moved South, I didn't step right into an idealistic utopia. There wasn't a party held in my honor, or even a bunch of neighbors lined up to welcome me into the fold with home-baked banana bread in hand.
What I did find upon arrival in an already-established community was that the social soil was fertile and the climate quite amenable to growing transplants, like me.
Dear readers, it may be true that small, rural towns in the Deep South are more fertile ground for growing community than, say, urban Detroit. Continuing with our gardening metaphor, though, even the poorest soils can be amended with a little bit of work and ingenuity, ultimately yielding as rich a crop as any other locale. In short, it doesn't matter where you live.
When I was a young girl bemoaning the fact that my dreams weren't magically coming true to transform my life, my grandmother--who, incidentally, grew up in small-town, rural Pennsylvania--used to gently chide me by quoting, "If it's going to be, it's up to me." Grandma also said that you can catch more flies with honey than you can with vinegar.
What Grandma meant was, "Make it happen! (and be nice)." You can't change the raw materials you've been given, but you can choose what you do with them. You can't always choose your environment, but you can choose how you respond to it. Change is never impossible, and it is sometimes easier than we think.
At the risk of flogging to death my theme that "little things make a big difference", well....they do! Consider these suggestions on how to build community from Karen Kerney:
I hear this sentiment from people often. It is apparently not an isolated one, because it comes from both North and South; from cities of 2 million inhabitants to smaller towns of 30,000; from the affluent, and from people who can barely eke out a living. I understand, because it is a feeling I used to voice quite plaintively in another era of my life.
When I first moved South, I didn't step right into an idealistic utopia. There wasn't a party held in my honor, or even a bunch of neighbors lined up to welcome me into the fold with home-baked banana bread in hand.
What I did find upon arrival in an already-established community was that the social soil was fertile and the climate quite amenable to growing transplants, like me.
Dear readers, it may be true that small, rural towns in the Deep South are more fertile ground for growing community than, say, urban Detroit. Continuing with our gardening metaphor, though, even the poorest soils can be amended with a little bit of work and ingenuity, ultimately yielding as rich a crop as any other locale. In short, it doesn't matter where you live.
When I was a young girl bemoaning the fact that my dreams weren't magically coming true to transform my life, my grandmother--who, incidentally, grew up in small-town, rural Pennsylvania--used to gently chide me by quoting, "If it's going to be, it's up to me." Grandma also said that you can catch more flies with honey than you can with vinegar.
What Grandma meant was, "Make it happen! (and be nice)." You can't change the raw materials you've been given, but you can choose what you do with them. You can't always choose your environment, but you can choose how you respond to it. Change is never impossible, and it is sometimes easier than we think.
At the risk of flogging to death my theme that "little things make a big difference", well....they do! Consider these suggestions on how to build community from Karen Kerney:
- Turn off your TV.
- Leave your house.
- Know your neighbors.
- Look up when you are walking.
- Greet people.
- Sit on your stoop/porch.
- Plant flowers. You will bless passers-by without even realizing that you are doing so.
- Use your library.
- Buy from local merchants instead of mega-chains.
- Share what you have (not just resources but things like knowledge, expertise, time, an extra pair of hands, gently used kids' toys or clothes, extra veggies from your garden...)
- Take children to the park.
- Garden together.
- Support neighborhood schools (even if your kids don't go there--do you have time to read stories to elementary students or volunteer twice a month?).
- Have pot lucks.
- Honor elders.
- Pick up litter.
- Talk to the mail carrier.
- Listen to the birds.
- Help carry something heavy.
- Hold a door open for someone.
- Barter for your goods.
- Ask a question.
- Hire young people for odd jobs.
- Organize a block party.
- Ask for help when you need it.
- Open your shades.
- Share your skills.
- Listen before you react to anger.
- Seek to understand.
- Learn from new and uncomfortable angles.
- Know that no one is silent though many are not heard. Work to change this.
In my longings for a sense of community, I have learned over the years that I must reach out to others; I must step out and assume my place as part of a community. The first step is as simple as a warm, smiling greeting to someone in the grocery store who wasn't expecting it. I dare you to implement one of these suggestions every day this week, wherever you are. Next week, implement another. The week after that, still another. Be careful, though...your world will change!
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