Caveat Auscultator

(listener, beware)


A disclaimer, properly defined, is a statement that:
--Communicates warnings;
--Communicates expectations, usually negative ones;
--Implies that situations involve some level of uncertainty;
--Implies that situations are risky;
--Shows a duty of care (we are obligated to prevent harm or injury where possible); and
--Attempts to limit damages after harm or injury has occurred.

Up North and Out West, disclaimers are long-winded diatribes. Paragraph upon paragraph of legalese supposedly absolves and protects the person expressing his/her opinion from any resulting upset or damage. These elaborate safeguards seem to make it easier for folks to be downright nasty to one another.

Now Down South, it's another matter entirely. The Magnolia isn't the Mississippi State Flower for nothin'! Magnolias, in many cultures, symbolize candor. I can't think of any other place on earth where folks are as candid as they are here.

You'll never have to wonder what someone thinks. Trust me; you'll know.

This being the case, there's only one disclaimer used in the South. It fulfills every legal purpose of a disclaimer as defined above, and it does so in one beautifully simple turn of phrase: around these parts, you can utter absolutely any insult about any individual, so long as you follow it with, "Well, bless his/her little heart".

"Billy is dumber than a doornail, bless his little heart."

"SueEllen got hit with the biggest stick off the ugly tree, bless her little heart."

"Jim Bob is aggravatin' me to no end, bless his little heart, and if he don't stop I am gonna just BLESS HIS LITTLE HEART!!"

"If you send Jackson to the store for a loaf of bread with $20 in his pocket, he'll come back with a slice of bread and a dime, bless his little heart."

"The last time Johnny tried to fix the ceiling fan, all the power went out in town for half an hour, bless his little heart."

I don't think there is any other single sentence on earth, spoken in any context, that is such an all-encompassing caveat. In an oddly affectionate way it seems to say, "Honey, you're not perfect, but I love you just the way you are."