Autumn has always been my favorite time of year. I love endless banks of gorgeous colored leaves; they seem to be celebrating the past year's achievements before letting go to make room for new growth. I love the crisp, cool mornings and evenings. I love the sound my feet make shuffling through carpets of dried leaves, and the musty smell that rises every time I take a step. I love the hint of smoke that rises on the air...a spicy middle note of the ambrosia to my senses that is autumn.
I do miss Northern autumns. In South Mississippi's warm, Gulf Coast climate the seasons are not so clearly delineated. Folks around here are wont to describe spring or fall as "raggedy". Autumn is not the glorious display of color that it is in other parts of the country. Although puncutated by an occasional flaming orange maple or brilliant red crepe myrtle, the piney woods stay green. How then, you might ask, do we mark the season without the changing of the colors?
You know it's fall when...
10. You actually don't run the A/C for a whole week.
9. An occasional punch of fall color pops out and startles you on a drive through the piney woods.
8. The love bugs are finally GONE!
7. Pine straw gets stuck in your flip flops when you walk.
6. There are only 2 vehicles in line at the ice machine.
5. Winter clothes appear in the store: t-shirts and shorts in darker colors.
4. The morning dew doesn't burn off the grass until at least 7 am.
3. Turnips and sweet 'taters replace watermelons in the back of pickup trucks on the side of the road.
2. You get pelted with acorns from a live oak while soaking up the sunshine.
1. It's so frigid outside in the morning that you really have to bundle up on your way into work, so you dig a sweatshirt out of winter storage.
*Stay tuned for "Signs of Winter in the Deep South: Are the Fire Ants Hibernating YET??"
Showing posts with label Humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Humor. Show all posts
Friday, November 7, 2008
Thursday, September 11, 2008
There's no tryin' to reason with the hurricane season
Jimmy Buffett (a native of Pascagoula, Mississippi) was right. Those of us who call the Gulf Coast home know the statistics and accept the risk that a hurricane could directly affect our lives. Most of us are prudent and maintain a reasonable level of preparedness year-round.
I tell y'all though, we in the Magnolia State are starting to get a little fed up with the Weather Channel. According to their geography, the Gulf Coast of the United States consists of Texas, Louisiana, New Orleans, New Orleans, New Orleans, New Orleans, Poor Battered New Orleans Still Recovering From Katrina, Alabama, and Florida. Now, I took 5th grade geography and I'm pretty sure that they missed a state. I tried to post a comment to this effect on the Weather Channel viewer discussion forum, but they had closed it down after a flood of posts from other Mississippians pointing out the same thing. They still won't mention us by name.
[If you wonder why Mississippians get so upset at the mention of poor New Orleans, it's not that they don't sympathize. They do. But in the midst of the contstant media attention on New Orleans for over three years now, there has been so little media attention on Mississippi--even immediately after Katrina--that most of y'all aren't even aware that the entire MS coastline--over 80 miles--was completely obliterated by storm surge that was over 30 feet in some areas. The total destruction extended several miles inland, damages totaled over $125 billion, and we were left with 45 million cubic yards of debris which took nearly 18 months to haul away.
Mississippians don't want pity or welfare; they want to move on. While everyone has remained focused on New Orleans, they've scrambled to adjust, to innovate, to make do. They've helped each other, and are continuing to rebound. So hey y'all, come on down and have some shrimp or something, and help out our economy too. But I digress--]
There are a lot of jokes about how dumb everyone is in Mississippi, but unlike inhabitants of the other 49 states we manage to extrapolate critical storm warnings from the Weather Channel without our state ever being mentioned out loud, so at least (a) we know where we are located on a map of the United States, and (b) we can all read the dire warnings running across the bottom of the television screen. That's more literate than some high school graduates in Vermont these days. We're also smart enough to know that if Jim Cantore shows up in our town, we should pack all our valuables and run screaming at 150 miles per hour to Montana, so quit yer nit pickin'.
I tell y'all though, we in the Magnolia State are starting to get a little fed up with the Weather Channel. According to their geography, the Gulf Coast of the United States consists of Texas, Louisiana, New Orleans, New Orleans, New Orleans, New Orleans, Poor Battered New Orleans Still Recovering From Katrina, Alabama, and Florida. Now, I took 5th grade geography and I'm pretty sure that they missed a state. I tried to post a comment to this effect on the Weather Channel viewer discussion forum, but they had closed it down after a flood of posts from other Mississippians pointing out the same thing. They still won't mention us by name.
[If you wonder why Mississippians get so upset at the mention of poor New Orleans, it's not that they don't sympathize. They do. But in the midst of the contstant media attention on New Orleans for over three years now, there has been so little media attention on Mississippi--even immediately after Katrina--that most of y'all aren't even aware that the entire MS coastline--over 80 miles--was completely obliterated by storm surge that was over 30 feet in some areas. The total destruction extended several miles inland, damages totaled over $125 billion, and we were left with 45 million cubic yards of debris which took nearly 18 months to haul away.
Mississippians don't want pity or welfare; they want to move on. While everyone has remained focused on New Orleans, they've scrambled to adjust, to innovate, to make do. They've helped each other, and are continuing to rebound. So hey y'all, come on down and have some shrimp or something, and help out our economy too. But I digress--]
There are a lot of jokes about how dumb everyone is in Mississippi, but unlike inhabitants of the other 49 states we manage to extrapolate critical storm warnings from the Weather Channel without our state ever being mentioned out loud, so at least (a) we know where we are located on a map of the United States, and (b) we can all read the dire warnings running across the bottom of the television screen. That's more literate than some high school graduates in Vermont these days. We're also smart enough to know that if Jim Cantore shows up in our town, we should pack all our valuables and run screaming at 150 miles per hour to Montana, so quit yer nit pickin'.
Speaking of help that isn't particularly helpful, how about FEMA's emergency supply packing list? If you're ever bored, look it up. You could open your own trailer park with all that stuff! How the average family is supposed to evacuate with even half of that in tow is beyond me...maybe we should all keep a Hurricane Preparedness Trailer packed and ready to pull north behind the little economy cars that are all anyone can afford to drive these days? 160 years ago it was "Wagons Ho!" when a great migration beckoned. "Prius Ho!" just doesn't have quite the same ring to it.
My husband and I had recently been venting our frustration on these subjects to one another. The following day, I received the bulletin below from a fellow Mississippian via email. I found it to be refreshingly accurate and genuinely helpful, so I thought I'd provide a public service by sharing it here:
HURRICANE PREPARATION
Hurricane season is an exciting time to be in Mississippi . If you're new to the area, you're probably wondering what you need to do to prepare for the possibility that we'll get hit by another "big one." Based on our experiences, we recommend that you follow this simple three-step hurricane preparedness plan:
STEP 1: Buy enough food and bottled water to last your family for at least three days.
STEP 2: Put these supplies into your car.
STEP 3: Drive to Nebraska and remain there until Halloween.
Unfortunately, statistics show that most people will not follow this sensible plan. Most people will foolishly stay in Mississippi . Therefore, we offer the following tried-and-true hints from seasoned residents of the Magnolia State.
SHUTTERS
Your house should have hurricane shutters on all the windows and doors. There are several types of shutters, with advantages and disadvantages:
- Plywood shutters: The advantage is that, because you make them yourself, they're cheap. The disadvantage is that if they get hit by a flying lamp post, you're still going to need new windows.
- Roll-down shutters: The advantages are that they're very easy to use, and will definitely protect your house. The disadvantage is that you will have to sell your house to pay for them.
EVACUATION ROUTE
If you live in a low-lying area, you should have an evacuation route planned out ahead of time. To determine whether you live in a low-lying area, look at your driver's license. If it says "Mississippi", you live in a low-lying area. The purpose of having an evacuation route is to avoid being trapped in your home when a major storm hits. Instead, you will be trapped in a gigantic traffic jam several miles from your home, along with two hundred thousand other evacuees. As a bonus, you will not be lonely.
Of course these are just basic precautions. As the hurricane draws near, it is vitally important that you keep abreast of the situation by turning on your television (if you have a generator to keep the TV going) and watching TV reporters in rain slickers stand right next to the ocean and tell you over and over how vitally important it is for everybody to stay away from the ocean.
OK y'all...NOW come on down and have some crawfish or somethin'! We'll be lookin' for ya!
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
There oughtta be a law...
Judging by the statutes below--all of which are still on the books of these Southern states--there are some pretty interesting folks running around. After all, if a law exists, you know more than one person has done something to prompt it...
As well as I have transplanted to Southern soil, before undertaking this research I honestly did not know that the South had such an epidemic of large animals in bathtubs, ice cream cones in pockets, enterprising cotton farmers, aggressive senior citizens, or that they were such kill-joys in Texas and Virginia: C'mon, no going barefoot, trick-or-treating, or tickle fights? Geez!
Mississippi
-No turtle races may be held at the airport.
Alabama
-It is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while operating a vehicle.
North Carolina
-You can't plow a cotton field with an elephant.
South Carolina
-Horses may not be kept in bathtubs.
Arkansas
-Alligators may not be kept in bathtubs.
Georgia
-Donkeys may not be kept in bathtubs. (Do you see a pattern here??)
-No one may carry an ice cream cone in their back pocket if it is Sunday.
Texas
-A city ordinance states that a person cannot go barefoot without first obtaining a special five-dollar permit.
-It's illegal to put graffiti on someone else's cow.
Louisiana
-Biting someone with your natural teeth is “simple assault,” while biting someone with your false teeth is “aggravated assault".
-It is a $500 fine to instruct a pizza delivery man to deliver a pizza to your friend without them knowing.
Virginia
-Children are not to go trick-or-treating on Halloween.
-It is illegal to tickle women.
Now, Kentucky and Tennessee fall into a special category, being technically in the South but the center of the Hillbilly world. Accordingly, they have some extra special laws:
Kentucky
-By law, anyone who has been drinking is "sober" until he or she "cannot hold onto the ground."
-It is illegal to transport an ice cream cone in your pocket.
-Every citizen of Kentucky is required by law to take a bath at least once a year.
Tennessee
-You can’t shoot any game other than whales from a moving automobile.
-It is illegal to use a lasso to catch a fish.
Now that all of my Northern readers are feeling pretty smug about themselves and laughing at the poor, ignorant South, let's see what faux pas their kin are guilty of having committed:
Alaska
- In Fairbanks, it is illegal to feed alcoholic beverages to a moose.
Arizona
- Any misdemeanor committed while wearing a red mask is considered a felony. (A black mask, however, is fine.)
Illinois
- It is illegal for anyone to give lighted cigars to dogs, cats, and other domesticated animal kept as pets.
Massachusetts
- No gorilla may be in the back seat of any car at any time.
- Mourners at a wake may not eat more than three sandwiches.
Nebraska
- A parent can be arrested if her/his child cannot hold back a burp during a church service.
Pennsylvania
- Any motorist who sights a team of horses coming toward him must pull well off the road, cover his car with a blanket or canvas that blends with the countryside, and let the horses pass. If the horses appear skittish, the motorist must take his car apart, piece by piece, and hide it under the nearest bushes.
Washington
- All lollipops are banned.
As well as I have transplanted to Southern soil, before undertaking this research I honestly did not know that the South had such an epidemic of large animals in bathtubs, ice cream cones in pockets, enterprising cotton farmers, aggressive senior citizens, or that they were such kill-joys in Texas and Virginia: C'mon, no going barefoot, trick-or-treating, or tickle fights? Geez!
Mississippi
-No turtle races may be held at the airport.
Alabama
-It is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while operating a vehicle.
North Carolina
-You can't plow a cotton field with an elephant.
South Carolina
-Horses may not be kept in bathtubs.
Arkansas
-Alligators may not be kept in bathtubs.
Georgia
-Donkeys may not be kept in bathtubs. (Do you see a pattern here??)
-No one may carry an ice cream cone in their back pocket if it is Sunday.
Texas
-A city ordinance states that a person cannot go barefoot without first obtaining a special five-dollar permit.
-It's illegal to put graffiti on someone else's cow.
Louisiana
-Biting someone with your natural teeth is “simple assault,” while biting someone with your false teeth is “aggravated assault".
-It is a $500 fine to instruct a pizza delivery man to deliver a pizza to your friend without them knowing.
Virginia
-Children are not to go trick-or-treating on Halloween.
-It is illegal to tickle women.
Now, Kentucky and Tennessee fall into a special category, being technically in the South but the center of the Hillbilly world. Accordingly, they have some extra special laws:
Kentucky
-By law, anyone who has been drinking is "sober" until he or she "cannot hold onto the ground."
-It is illegal to transport an ice cream cone in your pocket.
-Every citizen of Kentucky is required by law to take a bath at least once a year.
Tennessee
-You can’t shoot any game other than whales from a moving automobile.
-It is illegal to use a lasso to catch a fish.
Now that all of my Northern readers are feeling pretty smug about themselves and laughing at the poor, ignorant South, let's see what faux pas their kin are guilty of having committed:
Alaska
- In Fairbanks, it is illegal to feed alcoholic beverages to a moose.
Arizona
- Any misdemeanor committed while wearing a red mask is considered a felony. (A black mask, however, is fine.)
Illinois
- It is illegal for anyone to give lighted cigars to dogs, cats, and other domesticated animal kept as pets.
Massachusetts
- No gorilla may be in the back seat of any car at any time.
- Mourners at a wake may not eat more than three sandwiches.
Nebraska
- A parent can be arrested if her/his child cannot hold back a burp during a church service.
Pennsylvania
- Any motorist who sights a team of horses coming toward him must pull well off the road, cover his car with a blanket or canvas that blends with the countryside, and let the horses pass. If the horses appear skittish, the motorist must take his car apart, piece by piece, and hide it under the nearest bushes.
Washington
- All lollipops are banned.
Monday, June 9, 2008
Congrats on a job well done
On my recent trip, I found--to my great chagrin--that 160 miles of Interstate 85 was under construction. Between Atlanta, Georgia and Montgomery, Alabama, four lanes were reduced to two and at times to one, and traffic moved along suitably slowly. Frustration and boredom set in suitably quickly. At times like these, the eyes try to take in the scenery and the mind begins to wander in a hypnotic daze...
I began to notice that there were porta-potties roughly every two miles along the construction lanes. When I saw the sign on the doors, I burst out laughing. I could just hear a masculine TV announcer's voice in my head: "For the man who works hard on the job site and in the bathroom, there's finally a potty that congratulates you on a job well done"--
I began to notice that there were porta-potties roughly every two miles along the construction lanes. When I saw the sign on the doors, I burst out laughing. I could just hear a masculine TV announcer's voice in my head: "For the man who works hard on the job site and in the bathroom, there's finally a potty that congratulates you on a job well done"--
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
A Southern Girl's ABC
A is for Ants--step on a mound
and burning red bites on your feet will be found.
B is for Bubby, which might sound quite strange
but it's Southern for "Baby", a loving nickname.
C is for Coke, which is what you call soda--
whether it's Sprite, Pepsi, Root Beer, or Cola.
D is a Dollah, but now it's much mo'
when you go to pay fo' that Coke at the sto'.
E is Engagin'--which means glib or charming,
especially if a man's smile is disarming.
F is for Flip flops girls wear on their feet
from March 'til late fall without missin' a beat.
G is for Grits on the back of the stove;
never use instant, real down-home folks know.
H is a Harley, the cycle of choice;
no Japanese brands for a good Southern boy!
I is for Ice Storm--something you'll never
see on the Gulf Coast as part of the weather.
J is "Jus' folks", people like you and me
who are not pretentious, just ordinary.
K is a Kiss on the lip or the cheek;
down here, don't air kiss--you'll be up the creek.
L is L'z'yanne, which is how we pronounce
Loo-wee-zee-an-na down here in the South.
M is M'ssip, as the folks down here say,
and we're not at all slow, 'cause we spell it O.K.
N is for Nasty, what Southerners say
when something that's yucky crops up in their way.
O is for Okra, Opry, and Ol';
Ornery, and quite a few other words more.
P is "The Pig", a grocery store;
"Piggly Wiggly"s the name that hangs over the door.
Q is for Quick--not as fast as up North,
but a whole lot more courteous, that you can bet.
R is for Reg'lar, a term that applies
to food, drink, and folks that are simple and wise.
"Hey, Sensuous..." means 'Since You Is' on your feet,
could you bring me a drink on your way back here, sweet?
T is a Truck, not a Mercedes Benz;
F-350 is status for rich Southern men.
U is Ungodly, as in how hot;
how expensive; how rude; how long you had to wait.
V is Vivacious, what Southern Belles are
when talkin' to jus' folks from near or afar.
W's "Woman!"--what men call their gals
with playful respect, very rarely a scowl.
X marks the spot for a good pirate's treasure;
for a moonshiner, XXX marks a strong beverage.
Y has to be "Y'all", the endearing way
to address more than one when you call to say "hey".
Z is "Zee end!" --what a Creole would say
after a crawfish boil on a hot day.
and burning red bites on your feet will be found.
B is for Bubby, which might sound quite strange
but it's Southern for "Baby", a loving nickname.
C is for Coke, which is what you call soda--
whether it's Sprite, Pepsi, Root Beer, or Cola.
D is a Dollah, but now it's much mo'
when you go to pay fo' that Coke at the sto'.
E is Engagin'--which means glib or charming,
especially if a man's smile is disarming.
F is for Flip flops girls wear on their feet
from March 'til late fall without missin' a beat.
G is for Grits on the back of the stove;
never use instant, real down-home folks know.
H is a Harley, the cycle of choice;
no Japanese brands for a good Southern boy!
I is for Ice Storm--something you'll never
see on the Gulf Coast as part of the weather.
J is "Jus' folks", people like you and me
who are not pretentious, just ordinary.
K is a Kiss on the lip or the cheek;
down here, don't air kiss--you'll be up the creek.
L is L'z'yanne, which is how we pronounce
Loo-wee-zee-an-na down here in the South.
M is M'ssip, as the folks down here say,
and we're not at all slow, 'cause we spell it O.K.
N is for Nasty, what Southerners say
when something that's yucky crops up in their way.
O is for Okra, Opry, and Ol';
Ornery, and quite a few other words more.
P is "The Pig", a grocery store;
"Piggly Wiggly"s the name that hangs over the door.
Q is for Quick--not as fast as up North,
but a whole lot more courteous, that you can bet.
R is for Reg'lar, a term that applies
to food, drink, and folks that are simple and wise.
"Hey, Sensuous..." means 'Since You Is' on your feet,
could you bring me a drink on your way back here, sweet?
T is a Truck, not a Mercedes Benz;
F-350 is status for rich Southern men.
U is Ungodly, as in how hot;
how expensive; how rude; how long you had to wait.
V is Vivacious, what Southern Belles are
when talkin' to jus' folks from near or afar.
W's "Woman!"--what men call their gals
with playful respect, very rarely a scowl.
X marks the spot for a good pirate's treasure;
for a moonshiner, XXX marks a strong beverage.
Y has to be "Y'all", the endearing way
to address more than one when you call to say "hey".
Z is "Zee end!" --what a Creole would say
after a crawfish boil on a hot day.
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Signs and Wonders, Part 2
I wish I had my camera with me on the drive in to school this morning. Taylor's Food Store is a little country grocery store/butcher shop just around the corner from the college, and it is owned and operated by some wonderful, friendly Christian people. There is a sign board out front, and every week they put up a new inspirational message. Today it read:
TODAY IS HUMP DAY
CELEBRATE YOUR MARRIAGE
CELEBRATE YOUR MARRIAGE
It struck me as funny, and I laughed all the way to my parking space. "The words 'hump', 'celebrate', and 'marriage' probably shouldn't be used together in the same sentence!", I mused aloud.
One of my classmates asked me why I was chuckling, and I told her. She accused me of having a dirty mind. If I do, I must not be the only one in Perkinston. By the time I got out of class an hour later and headed over to Taylor's, the sign had been changed because of multiple comments on its suggestive nature. (This isn't just the Bible Belt; it's the buckle of the Bible Belt!)
The owners were suitably mortified. Me, I can't stop chortling. It's been one of those days!
One of my classmates asked me why I was chuckling, and I told her. She accused me of having a dirty mind. If I do, I must not be the only one in Perkinston. By the time I got out of class an hour later and headed over to Taylor's, the sign had been changed because of multiple comments on its suggestive nature. (This isn't just the Bible Belt; it's the buckle of the Bible Belt!)
The owners were suitably mortified. Me, I can't stop chortling. It's been one of those days!
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
Only in a Country Song
I've grown to love country music. Just about every time I turn on the radio, I hear a phrase that makes me laugh out loud.
In a country song you'll find self-deprecating humor and a down-to-earth look at life and human circumstance. There are unapologetic proclamations of faith, love, and patriotism. The singers admit their personal tastes, make honest self-appraisals, and sometimes get just plain silly.
Only in a country song will you find gems such as these:
Romantic overtures
"I sure wanna check you for ticks."
Reflections on What Went Wrong
"Grease and love both cause heartache."
"Well, there was the time I told that cowboy that you used to be a man..."
Know Thyself
"I live my life in Wal Mart fashion, and I like my sushi southern fried."
"I don't like politics, hypocrites, or folks with poodles dressed like kids; I'm a hounddog fan."
"I'm just a product of my raising: I say 'hey y'all' and 'yee haw'."
On Happiness and Simple Pleasures
"If French fries were fat free and you loved me, what a wonderful world this would be."
"It's alright to have a girl name'a Thelma Lou, that don't mind a little kiss when you got a little chew."
"Lookin' back I never have regretted takin' off early or callin' in sick, or lovin' away a Sunday afternoon."
Important Qualities in a Mate
"Someone who knows what I like in my coffee, and the shape of my ol' hat..."
"You look in my eyes and see my thinkin'..."
"She cranks my tractor with just one kiss."
In a country song you'll find self-deprecating humor and a down-to-earth look at life and human circumstance. There are unapologetic proclamations of faith, love, and patriotism. The singers admit their personal tastes, make honest self-appraisals, and sometimes get just plain silly.
Only in a country song will you find gems such as these:
Romantic overtures
"I sure wanna check you for ticks."
Reflections on What Went Wrong
"Grease and love both cause heartache."
"Well, there was the time I told that cowboy that you used to be a man..."
Know Thyself
"I live my life in Wal Mart fashion, and I like my sushi southern fried."
"I don't like politics, hypocrites, or folks with poodles dressed like kids; I'm a hounddog fan."
"I'm just a product of my raising: I say 'hey y'all' and 'yee haw'."
On Happiness and Simple Pleasures
"If French fries were fat free and you loved me, what a wonderful world this would be."
"It's alright to have a girl name'a Thelma Lou, that don't mind a little kiss when you got a little chew."
"Lookin' back I never have regretted takin' off early or callin' in sick, or lovin' away a Sunday afternoon."
Important Qualities in a Mate
"Someone who knows what I like in my coffee, and the shape of my ol' hat..."
"You look in my eyes and see my thinkin'..."
"She cranks my tractor with just one kiss."
Why Women Fall in Love With Country Boys
Every woman's fantasy...
She says not to buy her flowers
Or big expensive gifts
She says she don't want jewlery
And she doesn't need another dress
If I want to show her how much I adore her
The best way that I've found
Is to make sure when I'm finished
I put that toilet seat down ...
I know it's kind of funny
You can teach a little puppy
But it's very hard to train a grown man
When I'm all about my buisiness
And the path of least resistance
She's the one that suffers in the end
In the middle of the night
It's cold and it's dark
And when I hear my name in vain
I know I haven't done my part
She just wants me to support her
And the best way that I've found
So with a gentle hand and a loving touch
I put that toilet seat down
Down, down
from Ode de Toilette
(Brad Paisley)
She says not to buy her flowers
Or big expensive gifts
She says she don't want jewlery
And she doesn't need another dress
If I want to show her how much I adore her
The best way that I've found
Is to make sure when I'm finished
I put that toilet seat down ...
I know it's kind of funny
You can teach a little puppy
But it's very hard to train a grown man
When I'm all about my buisiness
And the path of least resistance
She's the one that suffers in the end
In the middle of the night
It's cold and it's dark
And when I hear my name in vain
I know I haven't done my part
She just wants me to support her
And the best way that I've found
So with a gentle hand and a loving touch
I put that toilet seat down
Down, down
from Ode de Toilette
(Brad Paisley)
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
If...
A couple of weeks ago, a friend sent me me a humorous e-mail entitled, "You Know You're From Mississippi if....". I'll be honest; the redneck jokes do get a little old. At second glance, though, a few of them were actually true. In case you were wondering which ones, or were getting ready to check Snopes.com, here they are:
1. You can properly pronounce Neshoba, Chata, DeKalb, Kosciusko, Decatur, Yazoo, Pascagoula, Picayune, and Scooba.
2. You think people who complain about the wind in their states are sissies.
3. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor on the highway.
4. You've ever had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.
5. You know that the true value of a parking space is not determined by the distance to the door, but by the availability of shade.
6. Stores don't have bags; they have sacks.
7. You don't push your groceries in a cart; you use a buggy.
8. You measure distance in minutes.
9. You listen to the weather forecast before picking out an outfit.
10. You aren't surprised to find movie rental, ammunition, and bait all in the same store.
11. A Mercedes Benz isn't a status symbol, but a Ford F-350 Extended Bed Crew Cab is.
1. You can properly pronounce Neshoba, Chata, DeKalb, Kosciusko, Decatur, Yazoo, Pascagoula, Picayune, and Scooba.
2. You think people who complain about the wind in their states are sissies.
3. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor on the highway.
4. You've ever had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.
5. You know that the true value of a parking space is not determined by the distance to the door, but by the availability of shade.
6. Stores don't have bags; they have sacks.
7. You don't push your groceries in a cart; you use a buggy.
8. You measure distance in minutes.
9. You listen to the weather forecast before picking out an outfit.
10. You aren't surprised to find movie rental, ammunition, and bait all in the same store.
11. A Mercedes Benz isn't a status symbol, but a Ford F-350 Extended Bed Crew Cab is.
Name That Town
If you're thinking about moving South to experience small town living for yourself, you may find that you end up with a much more interesting mailing address than your current one.
Many, if not most roads in the Deep South are named for either
- a local landmark (Old Pump House Road, Paper Mill Road);
- a topographical feature (Big Level, Swampy Lick);
- a navigational use (Shortcut); or
- someone who owns, or once owned, the land (Billy Bob Thornton Road, Cletis Pipkins Road).
Although many communities are named after their founders, many more have absolutely intriguing names. On my honor, I did not make these up!
In Mississippi, you might enjoy setting up house in:
Chunky
Coffeeville (no tea drinkers allowed)
Coldwater (if you like hot showers, you're out of luck)
Ecru (don't even think about painting your house red!)
Guntown (residency requirement: must own minimum of 3 firearms)
Quitman (they give up easily here)
Scooba (alas...nowhere near water)
Soso (Mediocrity Capitol of the World)
If you'd rather live in Alabama, there's:
Boligee (Inside my head, I hear this spoken in a thick Indian accent: "Bolly gee, boss, I was only kidding!")
Eclectic (We Welcome All Kinds)
Moody (PMS Capitol of the World?)
Reform (straighten up...or else!)
Shorter (Alas, Taller is nowhere to be found)
Trussville (Hernia Sufferers' colony?)
Many, if not most roads in the Deep South are named for either
- a local landmark (Old Pump House Road, Paper Mill Road);
- a topographical feature (Big Level, Swampy Lick);
- a navigational use (Shortcut); or
- someone who owns, or once owned, the land (Billy Bob Thornton Road, Cletis Pipkins Road).
Although many communities are named after their founders, many more have absolutely intriguing names. On my honor, I did not make these up!
In Mississippi, you might enjoy setting up house in:
Chunky
Coffeeville (no tea drinkers allowed)
Coldwater (if you like hot showers, you're out of luck)
Ecru (don't even think about painting your house red!)
Guntown (residency requirement: must own minimum of 3 firearms)
Quitman (they give up easily here)
Scooba (alas...nowhere near water)
Soso (Mediocrity Capitol of the World)
If you'd rather live in Alabama, there's:
Boligee (Inside my head, I hear this spoken in a thick Indian accent: "Bolly gee, boss, I was only kidding!")
Eclectic (We Welcome All Kinds)
Moody (PMS Capitol of the World?)
Reform (straighten up...or else!)
Shorter (Alas, Taller is nowhere to be found)
Trussville (Hernia Sufferers' colony?)
If worse comes to worse, there's always Louisiana:
Cut Off (don't expect to have many visitors here)
Eros (if you're looking for love...)
Sulfur (Brimstone is just down the road a bit)
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